Cruel Is The New Sweet, Isn't It?

Just wanted to share something heartbreaking. 2.35 am & I decided to go Madcap!
"Friends forever", "Will stick around you always" etc. are some of the quotes you get to hear when your friendship grows stronger with some individual. But funny thing is that is all a pile of garbage. People tend to change. People text and scrap calling each other "Dear" merely for the sake of Fashion. Nobody actually mean that. Right now am completely going Madcap, so am firing my thoughts in form of sentences as soon as they flash in my mind. I am hurt. I can feel the rumbling in my head's interiors as I think about the cold looks of the people I claimed to be my sweetest buds. Today I realize what friendship in its truest sense stands for most of the general population. For most of the people out there, its all about having someone to hang out with & have fun. The moment any individual starts sulking or hit some low, he slides down the priority list of others! & yes that is true!
I am sad right now. Real sad. My college life will be over soon. I managed to keep track of most of my school friends. I thought that our friendship will last forever, but alas, most of them have the same aforementioned perspective about friendship. They never really tried understanding me! & those who did prefer calling my spending time for myself & for my future an unworthy act! Why? They wouldn't be paying me 75k per month to run my place. No Sir! I have dedicated my 3 & a half years of college life to my school friends. When I say "Dedicated", I mean it! Sem I-VII, I was always there when they needed me!
In the current sem, say January, 2009 onwards, when I first realized that all my college pals will be parting ways soon. & there were 4 Bastards who became more than friends. They were like the brothers I never had. We developed a strong bond & naturally I pushed them up in my priority list! For the last three years, I spent more time with these guys than my family or old chaps, this had to happen. I grew up with these guys. My thoughts, my nature and my character changed in par with them. They are the people who best understand me at this point & yes they are my best pals right now and forever. I mean it when I say it. But they are not the only ones to mention! Others. Sweet & cute folks. I am a sweet gentleman as per my female friends call me(and thats like the best compliment I ever got). My female pals are simply great! Hard working people with the extra Grey matter in their heads! But I started growing up on a select 2-3 of them. Probably because of common interests we had. relationship with girls always was complicated for me! You see I get easily influenced by stuff like Novels, TV serials etc. FRIENDS is a TV serial real close to my heart. A couple named Monica-Chandler were like ideal love story for me! I always wanted some good friend to be accounted for as my liebe! But its like her response for that action of mine is coming in installments. You see, IF A BUTCHER KILLS THE COCK IN ONE STROKE THEN IT FEELS LESS PAIN, BUT IF HE SLOWLY SLITS ITS NECK, IT TURNS INTO THE MOST GRUESOME DEATH EVER! I am stroked out in installments! Its like a punishment no man should ever endure. Funny thing is that MY EXECUTIONER KNOWS & TELL EVERYONE THAT I AM THE EMOTIONAL KIND & STILL INSISTS ON ACTING THIS WAY! It Hurts Seriously! She finds it difficult to stand me during the last hour when I actually avoided disclosing my feelings again! Look what it has done to me! MY MAIN SEMESTER EXAM WILL START IN 6 HOURS & I AM TYPING THIS BLOG TO LET OUT THE HEAT INSTEAD OF STUDYING! Was it that difficult? Is what I always thought about her, her sweetness, her cuteness all wrong? Maybe. Maybe Not. Or is it actually me?
Am lightened up enough right now to give up these thoughts & start studying. But yes, questions remain in my mind. Questions about true human nature & emotions. Question about myself. Questions about whats real & whats not there!
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Above Blog Is A Work Of Fiction With Tit-Bits From My Life!! So Don't Be Blown Away.. Its Just A First Person Blog Pattern!!

"My Plastic Pals"

I didn't grow up playing cricket or other sports with boys of my age. I was a kidney patient. I was not allowed to go outside & have fun. I couldn't. The scene was like If I ran for 2 min, I might end up in bed for 2 days.

So instead, my childhood was spent in imaginary tales of courage & fantasy with my Toy friends. So many times Me & He-Man saved Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor. So many times the Team G.I.Joe saved the world from Cobra gang under my command.

I promised them that I will take care of them forever, but Mom gave them away. Now, I was suppose to grow into a mature guy. Mom gave them to my Nephew. I visited him yesterday. I peeked in his room to have a look at them & there they were, twisted & deformed. The little boy inside me cried. I couldn't keep my promise. I was unable to save my very first friends from such ill fate.

I owed them so much. My building block game found the architect in me. The fake guns made me the soldier that I never can be.

When Dad scolded me, they gave me joy & comfort without uttering even a single word.

& yet, I let them be a child's play. & these friends were the ones made of plastic & I had to desert them. Makes me wonder if I could make my friend's with flesh stay around, with me, forever?

BEING MADCAP

          Paradox personified. That is what I feel. That is what we all feel at some point.

          Some times I feel that my skin is nothing but a shroud wrapped on me to conceal my darker self. That is what we all feel at some point.

           Madness is what I want right now and I want this ecstasy to last forever.

           I don't want to do what I am being told. I want supremacy. I want the next person I meet to be a lunatic, like me, with whom I can embrace the darkness.

           I want to dance. I want to hit and run.

           I want to win but no one should loose.

           I want to see blood. I want to rise and astonish everyone with my psychotic desires!

           I don't want my future to be same as my past!

           I want chaos and order.

           I want love and hatred.

           I want to die and live again.

           I want to be twined with fire and ice.

This is my own dream. My own wish!

My own? Or is it what we all feel at Some Point? Am I being naive? What refrains me & my compatriots? I go to sleep unanswered because there is nobody insane enough to give me the answer. I will wake up probably to find tomorrow same as yesterday.